Fellow single women, we’ve grown tired of hearing the same
things, over and over again:
you have a boyfriend?”
“You’re too pretty to be single.”
“So, you’re single… what’s wrong with you?”
years I’ve remained single, I’ve repeatedly fired back with one simple answer:
“I’m not in love with anyone.”
that when you fall in love with someone, you feel euphoria and weak in the
knees. Supposedly, “you just know.” It’s something over which you have no
people tell me that to love someone is a “choice,” something you can and do
control. I’ve come to realize that people are not telling me about the same
force, but rather, about two completely different forces: being in love and
biggest difference? One can exist without the other, while one of them cannot.
To love is
to choose to love. We love our parents because they go to the ends of the earth
for us. We love our friends because we can confide everything in them.
our boyfriends because they are there for us. But, how do we know if we were in
love with our boyfriends?
I broke up with my now-ex-boyfriend. One morning, I woke up and realized
something: I wasn’t in love with the man next to me.
tried to explain to him what I meant, I was unable to find the right words to
say. I couldn’t express myself articulately because I could barely understand
why I felt what I was feeling.
could definitively say was I felt unsatisfied. When I tried to rationalize, I
concluded that I cared for him deeply. I respected him; I trusted him; I even
loved him — but I was not in love with him.
To love a manis to support his passions;to be in love
with a manis not
only to back his passions, but also to admire them to the point that his hunger
for them motivates you to be just as hungry for yours.
To love a manis to share all of your thoughts with him;to be in love
with a manis to
share all of your thoughts with him, and when you’re not with him, to see him
in every place you go, think of him with every person you meet and feel him in
every scent you smell.
To love a manis to feel warmer in his embrace;to be in love
with a manis to
feel warmer in his embrace and subsequently desire to please him any chance you
get because you have just as much a fervor to physically express yourself with
him as you do emotionally.
You can be
in love with a man, and loving him will automatically come with the package,
but you don’t have to necessarily be in love with a man in order to love him.
time again, I question whether I should have taken up one of my male friends on
his offer to be my boyfriend. I declined them all, and I’m still single.
But, in my
heart, I know it’s for the best. If it should have happened, then it would
have. It would have felt right because it should have felt indescribable.
always love them, and for some, simply loving can be enough. But, for others,
falling and staying in love, without choice and without reason, is the only way
to experience love.
with a man I believe I can learn to love, in hopes of falling in love with him
later on, is a leap of faith I won’t take.
It is my
belief that we, as humans, each have unique thresholds for what we believe
being “in love” means. We should abide by our personal thresholds and put faith
threshold varies from person to person based on how much more intensely one is
able to fall for someone, above how intensely another can fall for someone
judge one couple’s love over another’s. We cannot judge the way one person
loves against the way another does.
judge a single woman for staying single because she hasn’t been able to satiate
her, thus far, insatiable appetite because we all feel things differently.
perhaps, it’s the extremity of falling in love, in and of itself, that
separates the logical from the dreamers.